To Kiss a Frog

Day 408 – After months of following a very rigid routine, I suddenly started to deviate. I can’t find in me the will to wake up at 5am and there were few days that I woke up as late as 7. This puts everything in turmoil. I don’t have enough time to write my morning pages, so few days I came to work really late and in the last few days I just didn’t write them in the morning but when I came back from work. Yesterday I didn’t write at all. I also did not finish my book of the month. My house is a mess, I don’t go to the gym enough… so something is really off and I am not sure what. I am not myself lately; maybe it’s the breakup that was much harder than I thought, or maybe something else. What I finally realized is that I have to take some active measures to get back to the way I was only few months ago. I am going to cut off anyone who is not absolutely sure he wants to be part of my life, and take an active role there. I deserve no less than that and it has a very negative influence on me if I do allow that, it pulls me down. I said it once but did not remember to keep it. My love is something one has to earn. I am not going to try to convince anyone I am worthy of his love. If he doesn’t see it then he’s obviously the wrong guy. From today on, I am going to take active measures to get back on track – sleep enough, eat right, read, write and go to the gym and last but definitely not least, I am going to start dating again. I want to find a man who would think I am all wonderful, that I am the woman he wants to share his life with. I am looking for the man I will wake up in the morning happy for he is in my life.  I just hope I won’t have to kiss too many frogs before I’ll find my prince.

  

I am thankful I had this revelation about the direction in which I was going. I am thankful I can take measures to change what I don’t like in my life right now, and I am thankful I get to choose what to keep. I am thankful for a very lovely afternoon of talks and SMS with someone I never met. I am thankful it is Thursday night and I get to go to sleep very soon, and not be stressed about when to get up or too little sleep.