Breathe in Breathe out; Rethink

Day 580 - I was planning to write about the shopping I did for my upcoming trip. It is always a big part of traveling and visiting. But something came up that changed my plan. After the shopping spree I drove few miles out of our city to the next town to visit a friend that is leaving now for a few months. By the time I came back it was almost midnight. I didn't even want to call my MF in case he was asleep already; so I sent a text message instead. He is not as irresponsible as me about sleep time and I didn't want to wake him up. He called right away and we talked for a few minutes and then he made a comment that only a few days ago would hurt me because it played into all my insecurities, especially about this relationship. It was not a mean comment, or a bad one; he was just making light of our relationship and not admitting to the growing role it takes in both of our lives. But since it's all so new and I am still so afraid to open up and get hurt, every comment that puts it into doubt is very difficult for me to handle. But few more days passed, more affection passed between us, and I also did few more writings about it, thus making me stronger, a little more secure. I was able to laugh it off and say that I know he doesn't mean it, that we both know he actually means just the opposite, that he cares about me so much. And sure enough he laughed, like a child caught with his hand in the cookies jar, and admitted to it. It's such a small and insignificant incident, but it made me so happy. I am learning to question things, to listen to the undertone; he is a good teacher for me in so many ways. I learned that he is just as stressed as I am about us; that he is fighting for balance and some times he does it in a way I am not comfortable with. But if I am looking at things in the right way, with open mind and heart, if I actually listen to what he doesn't say but shows me in so many ways, than I cannot get hurt. And because I was able to do it tonight, instead of an uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomac, like last time I heard the same comment, we created a moment of intimacy and closeness. On the other hand, I have to realize he needs space, and allow for it; we are both struggling to find a balance between us and each one as an individual.
 
I am so thankful I am learning a different and more mature way to deal with misunderstanding and differences. I am thankful for yet another way to expand my boundaries. I am thankful for gifts I get in the most unexpected moments. I am thankful for his kindness and open-mindness. I am thankful for every day we spend together either on the phone or in person, it enriches my life in more ways than I thought possible. I am thankful for yet another wonderful day.