Flying Back "Home"

Day 583 - I am on my way to the airport flying back "home" to see my older kids. It's been more than a year since I last visited and I am wondering how it will feel. The first few times I went back I stayed at home but now, more than two years later, I decided it is not the right thing to do anymore. It is not my home anymore, I have nothing to say to my ex and it is just not right. So I am going to stay with my best friend. It will also give us the opportunity to see each other and catch up. From all the people I left behind she is the only one I miss, other than my kids.
Getting ready for this flight I also had few more very important events. The first one has to do with my MF, I think I am going to break up with him. It is not that my feelings towards him changed, but there are certain behaviors that I will never accept again and it is the second time I see this. It sound too much like something that will turn into an abusive realationship and I am not going to be in a place like that ever again. I had it in my marriage and I was lucky to get out of it. I'll never be again in a place like that. Maybe there is an explanation, I don't know, but it feels so wrong. And if it feels wrong, it usually is. I am very sad because I like him very much and there  are so many good qualities in him but I don't even want to consider the "maybe". There are some things I'll never accept again. So this is the sad part. But in every departure there is also a grain of happiness. I left late at night and my daughter really wanted to see me so as I got to the train station she left the party she attended and came to spend some time with me. That was so nice and so sweet and it filled my heart with happiness. It is interesting that in the same day I see two very different ways to deal with departure. One like my MF a very disappointing one indeed and the other one, my daughter's way, much more than I expected, and it made me so happy and so appreciative of her efforts. I am trying to think if I am too harsh, if I expect too much but I really don't think this is the case. It is just a sad case of one more relationship that is going down the drain...

I am thankful to my daughter for being so sweet and so loving, it means the world to me. I am thankful every day for these two wonderful years we spend here together just the two of us, it is the most bonding experience one can have, and because of that every departure is so difficult. I am thankful I can recognize bad behavior when I see it and even more that I stopped giving excuses for it. I am thankful I am on my way to see my older kids. I didn't see them for more than half a year and I miss them so much!!