Getting Drunk

Day 571 – I went out with my daughter around noon time for coffee. We had a long talk about boys and their role in our lives; about disappointments and broken hearts; about how callous one should be while choosing a mate. In short a very depressing conversation. At some point I was really feeling bad already. What advise can I give her when I cannot make any good choice? When every time I think I might found the right guy things are starting to shake again and I see another house of cards fall into ruins. How can I tell her what way to go when I have no clue? Is there really any solution to this equation? If there is, it is hiding from me; I am clueless. As tears started their way up I asked her if she wants to get drunk. She loved the idea; and we agreed that as always, it is 5pm somewhere on the planet right now, so we are golden. She ordered margarita, and I mojito. We also ordered a large order of fries and water. But it was early and I have almost zero tolerance for alcohol (which is a family joke since everyone else in the family can hold their alcohol very well) and this one drink was enough for me to get a major buzz. I don’t think I was really drunk, I don’t think it’s even possible, but I did have the biggest buzz I ever had. And so we sat there and talked and laughed and the atmosphere definitely got better. I don’t think we had any better solutions but it was not so pressing anymore; and she got to see me as close to drunk as she ever did and it made her very happy. And I had a lot of fun as well. It is several hours later, I am not any smarter about how to make relationships work, but I am not going to worry about it now. I know the real one will come only if I will stop looking for it and so I am not going to look for Mr. Right any more. Is this relationship I have right now going to survive? I am not sure. Too many question marks are popping in the past few days. And I am flying for two weeks to visit my children, which will put more stress on it; but only time will tell. Maybe we can still do something with it; maybe we can still make it as nice as it looked few weeks ago. But I am OK no matter what. I don’t need a relationship to define me, only to add value and if it doesn't then I don’t need it. And today I am so happy I got to spend time with my daughter and even to get really frustrated and sad. it’s all part of the complex people we are, it’s all part of the love and respect we have for each other.

 

I am thankful I got to spend such special time with my daughter. I am thankful for the first time in my life I got even close to being drunk. I am thankful for candid talk, for her trust. I am thankful for low moments, for sad moments; for all the ups and downs of life. I am thankful for this long weekend we got to spend together. And I am thankful for some uneasy truths I try too many times to hide from my conscience self that surface at times like that.