Upwards Momentum

Day 577 – Yesterday I was sure that it is almost over. Too many red lights were flashing in the dark. And the problem is I really like him and I don’t want to let go, I want to try a little harder and see if we can find a way to make it work. We are different in so many ways, but he has so many wonderful qualities that are making it hard to just give up. We are both very smart, we both like and appreciate each other very much, so maybe we can find a way. No rush decisions are necessary, that for sure. And today we spend a whole day together and it was so wonderful. We drove to a place we were sure will be almost empty, a very tranquil and beautiful place and we planned to spend a few hours there, but alas we were not the only people with this brilliant idea and it was so full we decided to scratch the plan. But even though the day did not transpire the way we planned, it was so nice to spend time together, easily taking and laughing. Even when we meet during the week it is always so late since I am working and I have classes and he has classes and we are always so tired. So it is nice to spend a relaxed day, just enjoying each other’s company and it makes me think that some of the things I was concerned about were just from being too tired. It made me think that it is not looming as I felt yesterday. That maybe tomorrow will be OK too. Or better yet, that maybe I should allow myself to enjoy today instead of worry about tomorrow. And today was good, very good and that’s the only thing that is real; everything else is just in my head, memories, worries, concerns. They are all in my head and not in the real world. So at least for a while I am going to allow myself to enjoy the moment without thinking long term. I allow myself to enjoy this special time with him and learn so many important lessons. Allow myself to really open up and hope I will not get hurt. Mood swings, I guess is all part of loving someone, it’s the vulnerability that comes with it that speaks.

  

I am thankful for a wonderful day we spend together. I am thankful for my vulnerability; it means that for the first time since I left home I found someone I care about deeply. I am thankful I find in me the resolve to stay when the going gets a little rough and fight for it instead of giving up. I am thankful I found my match; someone that challenges me and makes me re-evaluate and think; think all the time.