In a Pensive Mood

Day 576 - the interesting thing about being in a relationship is that it makes me realize and define my priorities. Since there are no two people that like exactly the same things and think alike in all situations there are bound to be conflicts. There are situations when I want one thing and my partner wants another; I want to do something and he doesn't or vise versa. It happened before of course, but then I could blame it on a deteriorating marriage and not think of it for what it is - two different people trying to find a way to live together, to find common ground. So how much can we be different and still be OK with it? How much can we like different things, different activities? How much can  each of us do his/her own thing and still keep this so brittle web from breaking? How much is too much? I have to learn tolerance to ideas and wants different than mine; I have to learn that, yes I can be wonderful but too much; that my partner can be wonderful but still drive me through the roof.  And most of all I have to learn what are the things I can accept, what are my red lines and what I don't like but I can live with; how much I am ready to compromise because I really like my partner?  And when is it that I am starting to give up parts of me again for this to work. All valid questions, not to everything I have answers but it sure puts a mirror to my face and forces me to look long and hard into my soul and search for answers. I am confused right now; trying to redefine and be flexible without loosing myself. I am so lucky to have my  friends and most of all my daughter to tell me if I've gone too far. I am still so excited about this relationship that is such a big part of my life right now; and I so want to see it working, even if just for a while, just so I'll know again how it feels to love a man and to be loved by him. I miss this feeling so much, it's been so many years... A pensive evening, no answers just so many disturbing questions and a looming concern that it might be heading in the wrong direction.
   
I am thankful I met him, no matter what the future has for us; it was a wonderful gift and I am so thankful for every moment we shared, for every moment still in store for us; there are really no words to express all the goodness this relationship brought into my life. I am thankful I have the courage to question situations; it's so easy to close my eyes and pretend all is well, but it is not right. I am thankful for a wonderful evening first watching yet another beautiful sunset on the beach and later going to dinner with my daughter. I am thankful for one more day here with all the gifts it brings in its path.