En Route

Day 599 - en rout home. After two weeks on the road and so much excitment I'm on my way back home. Sadly I didn't have Internet access the whole time so this post is late. My itinerary called for a very tight connection of 45 minutes between the domestic flight and the trans Atlantic flight and I was a little concerned if I'll make it. Well, due to weather condition at the destination airport, my domestic flight was late by an hour and a half, so when we finally landed the connection flight already tookoff. It was aste evening flight and i was affraid we will have to spend the night there and take a flight only the next day, but the airline reps were wonderful. We were 12 stranded passengers from my flight and 10 more from another flight that was late too. They managed to book all of us on a flight of another airline 3 hours later. It did take a long time to get to a different terminal and convert all the tickets and the rep was with us the whole time and took care of everything. So here I am, a little later than expected but almost home. And something worth mentioning - yesterday in the middle of the night I got a phone call from my MF, he got a little miked-up about the time difference, but I didn't care; it's been a few days since we last talked so I enjoyed this moment of intimacy, and even more so the surprise - he wanted the details of my flight since he might be there to pick me up. I don't get him, really. He is on a disappearing act for a few days, no mails and doesn't answer my calls and then this, something do sweet and so over the top. Every time when my insecurities tell me he's not interested probably and this is why he disengages he comes back with a rebound that leaves me wondering how will I ever understand what's going on. But one more time that I was too rushed to judge. I will have to talk to him and explain in plain words what throws me off and what I need in order to feel a little more on stable ground. But, regardless, this is such a wonderful gesture, precisely because it is so unexpected and over the top, and I am so excited to see him. It's two and a half weeks since I saw him and I really miss him. The longest relationship I had since I left home and I am still excited about it, still see so much potential there. And to think I was so hesitant when we first met, that I was sure that this one is not going to work. Interesting man BUT ... So here I am on my way back home, and by now it really feels like coming back home. My daughter is coming to visit tomorrow, she took a day off fro the army so I will have a chance to see her a few days ahead of schedule and I am sooo happy about that. Since we moved here we see each other every week and we talk every day on the phone, and so these trips, here's and mine are the only time we are separated for longer and it's difficult for both of us. I feel like the luckiest mom on earth that at the age of 20 my daughter still misses me, still likes my company, it's sure not a given and I am so thankful for that. So I am in the airplane on my way home, getting farther away from two of my children and it's sad for me since I know it will be a long time before we meet again, and I am getting closer to my youngest daughter and that is so exciting. Life is complicated, especially in a case like our's a broken family with children on both sides of the ocean and across the continent. But this is my home and I so hope that my son and his family will indeed move here in two years, as they are planning right now. I am on my way home. A long flight that brings me to most of what's dear for me - my daughter, my MF, my paintings, my friends, parents, siblings, friends, hiking trips ...

I am thankful for this amazing trip that touched my soul so deeply, and in so many ways, a healing trip in fact; I am coming back happy and content and with all the important connections in my life restored. I am thankful to be on my way. Ack home; this is my home, and here is we're my life take their natural flow, here I am not a visitor anymore but a happy and fully engaged participants. I am thankful to my daughter for making this place our home, for always being here and for me, for her love for the excitement I feel with every passing moment that bring me closer to her. I am thankful to my MF, the man I am dating for more than two months now and has such a big part in my life, in my thoughts; I am writing that and keep hedging myself in my mind, but the truth is, that there are not many waking moments I don't think of him and I so hope he will not one day brake my heart, but right now I am thankful for this gesture for suggesting he will be waiting for me at the airport, I am sooo thankful for that, for the meaning I attribute to it in my mind, for his presence in my life and the happiness he brings along for the ride.