Sacred circle

Day 596 - this trip is putting a strain on my relationship with my MF to the point that I'm not sure it will survive it and it makes me sad. After a long talk today with a friend that just came back from a Tantra retreat and told me a lot about it, I am even more clear that there are certain things I need in my life and certain things I cannot accept. I need a family again, I want a place I can call home and I need a partner I can cmmunicate with. I cannot have someone who flakes on me so many times, I cannot walk on eggshells. And I need to have this talk with him upon my return. If we can even get to that point. Not sure of his needs and things that are red lines and so if we will ever get to that  point we both have to create a place safe enough for us to be able to express and listen to these things. I already lost one relationship with my previous trip, I hope this is not going to repeat itself or I might develop real fear of traveling. But this trip was so good and so important that even if this is the price I'd still do it again. And if our relationship will not survive it then it was not the right one, as much as I wanted to believe otherwise.

I am thankful to my friend for all the information she gave me about her retreat, i am now intrigued to do the same. I am thankful for having my eyes opened to my needs and the things I rather not have. I am thankful for this relationship, even if it will not survive the trip, it's been amazing and I am so thankful for every moment it lasted. I am thankful most of all for this amazing trip and the plethora of experiences it  brought with it.