A figment

Day 649 - I don't even know what to say. There are some lessons I have to master before going on any further; otherwise it will become a spiral. I went to meet this guy. He sounded perfect on paper, even in all those phone calls. I checked every box on my "must have" list, even some on my "nice to have" and still when I met him I knew almost right away that it's another frog. I didn't even bother to kiss it. There was no chemistry I guess and by the fact he didn't call me I think it was both ways, or that he sensed the way I feel. Either way I am happy I made the effort to meet him and kill this thing before it grows any further but I am disappointed on so many levels - that it was just another figment; that I don't have yet this sixth sense that will tell me right away if it's real; that there are so many wonderful men in this world and so few are actually to my liking as partners; that when I found someone I thought might work he didn't; that I don't want to be alone but I cannot find the man I want to be with. But tonight I am mainly disappointed since I thought this guy is sooo everything and he was so much fun to talk on the phone but not in person, I really did not like some of the things he said. I am disappointed but happy we met right away. And I don't think I should date right now at all. I need time to be alone again, to stop running all the time. I need to quiet down and be comfortable again with nothing between me and what's hidden inside me, what's hidden from me. Time to re-think, re-evaluate, re-position. It should be me time once again.  
   
I am thankful I was courageous enough to travel to another city just to meet someone I thought might be interesting. I am thankful that we didn't drag it and found right away it doesn't work. I am thankful for a very interesting evening; the guy is really intelligent and it was very interesting to talk. I am thankful for one more frog; it takes me one step closer to my prince.