Anger management

Day 969 - Last week I had a very nasty fight. I completely lost my temper. I was so angry and I said things I am ashamed even to think about, to admit to myself I said that. I feel really bad about this incident. Especially considering the fact that the events leading to that outburst were annoying but did not justify my reaction. I think nothing can ever justify such a reaction, if I am very honest with myself. More than a week passed since than and I still feel horrible about that. Years ago I read a book by a very famous Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, about anger. And so I pulled that book off the shelf and into my bag to read it on the train every day. Anger is a very unhealthy reaction that does more damage to the one getting angry than to the other side. Anger is a wound deep in my soul that cannot find a healthy outlet, or better yet, cannot heal. And I am determined to go through it all go down and go deep and learn to take care of my inner child, of my emotions, my fears; take care of old wounds and most of all take care and change automatic behaviors. I want to live in greater awareness so to be mindful and as I feel my anger starting to brew, I'll be able to stop everything and tend to it so it will slowly dissolve. I will start meditating every day, I'll do the work needs to be done; and I will not allow anger to control my life. I will not ever be such a position again. I am so deeply ashamed of that, I always consider myself to be so cool and patient, but apparently there are some demons inside me I never knew exist. I can lament on that as much as I want or I can take action. I chose the second option - to take action and I am sure this event will become a turning point in my life.
 
I am thankful it is only so seldom I loose my temper; and I embrace the little girl that was hurt so my. I am thankful for this very special book; I read it years ago and it was good but I thing now I am so much more ready for it; so I'm looking forwards with excitement. I am thankful for every part of my body that works well and I am thankful for those who don't. I am thankful to be here on this earth, breath in and breath out, walking step by step along this path to better awareness, for mindful living.