Secrets and Lies

Day 136 – another Friday, still my favorite morning. Waking up with no alarm, steaming coffee, something to eat and then, time to start planning the day.

I talked to my mother-in-law and she sounded really depressed. So I almost forced her to come to dinner with me. She didn’t want to but I know her alternative – staying home alone. Not really an option since it will only make things worse for her. So we went out to a restaurant near my house and we were there for almost 3 hours. It was really nice. We had a good talk and good food – what else one can ask for.  After dinner I brought her home I went to see a movie named ” The day I was not born”. A very strong movie about a woman in her twenties that finds out by accident that the people that raised her as parents all her life are not her real parents and her quest to find out the truth, a very painful and unsettling truth. When her parents died this couple instead of returning her to her many relatives who were looking for her, decided to take her with them and left the country, raising her as their own, never even telling her they are not her natural parents. It raises many questions of course about loyalty, about meaning of parenthood, about living a lie as your life. This is a very interesting subject and a very well done movie. It brings back many questions I had to deal with in the past.

One of my friends found out she was adopted last year during a funeral and at the age of 36. I don't know how you come to terms with something like that. It is very easy to lie to a child. They are innocent and they still accept authority, and they grow up with this lie as a given truth. But lie can only live for so long and the consequences of that lie can take a life time to fix and many times even a life time is not long enough. All one can say is sorry, which can do nothing to fix the damage, to bring back sanity to this devastating realization.

I am thankful for time that heals everything and helped me overcome some devastating lies in my past. I am thankful for the wisdom that comes with age and helped me see beyond that painful past and allowed me to fully appreciate the main players in my life. I am thankful for the power to forgive and the great presents in life I got when I was finally able to do that. And I a especially thankful for being able to reconcile all the different facets of my life into one big wholeness, that I am so happy to live.