Alone

Day 657 - I was sad today when I drove back from work. I don't know why but there are days like that when Suddenly my loneliness feels too much. Most days I am OK with it, still loving the fact that I am not in a pressing and depressing marriage, but other days I feel alone, I want the warmth of a loving partner in my life and I don't know how to find it. I go for the wrong men, time and again, and get  disappointed and disheartened every time anew. I feel my days with work and my evening with activities but the truth is I so want to find someone I can love and be loved by him. I so want to have someone to come back to at the end of a long day, to talk and laugh or just know he is there. I was driving back home from work, very late and suddenly tears flooded my eyes. I really don't know how to go about it. I have to make some contacts on the dating site but I am so skeptical and so not sure how to go about it. I know I have to go out and talk to people, meet some guys and see if it has any potential or is it a frog. I know that if I don't do that my chances of meeting him are even lower, but too many days I don't even want to do that. I just "window shop" for awhile and get off the site without making a move. It's not easy to be a single woman at the age of 54 in a country that wan't mine for so many years. But I try not to run away from these feeling of loneliness, but to embrace them. It is OK to be sad, to be lonely and to want company, it's so natural. One day these feeling will drive me back into a relationship, hopefully one that will last for the rest of my life; hopefully one that will make me happy every single day for so many years. But today I am a little sad and very much alone and this is how I go to sleep, all alone and sad there's no one I can hug and be hugged by.
  
I am thankful that this kind of mood does not come very often. I am thankful it does sometimes; It serves as a backdrop to enhance my life, how good and full they usually are; it also serves as a reminder not to sleep on  my laurels but to stay aware and on the watch for my prince. I am thankful I can go to sleep now, even if it means I am going to sleep alone.