A Healing Brush

Day 440 – I am still listening to this beautiful CD by Hayal Gibi, I listened to it all day long. I am sad and it resonates well on the strings of my heart; it cries instead of me and it brings me peace. And then at some point I decided that I want to paint it. Yes, I want to paint the music. I was thinking about it for hours and I have it all planned out in my mind; and so today, before my Tour Guides class I went to the art store nearby and I bought an aisle, few more canvases and I also found three paints in colors I really liked so I bought them too, and I could not wait to get home and start my work. As soon as I got home I put the CD really, really loud so it can penetrate all the right places in my mind and my heart, I opened the aisle and started painting. By now, I already did the background; I am waiting for it to dry so I can go back and start the second layer. Now that I look at it, I realize it came much lighter than I originally thought so I guess that just touching paints and canvas with my brush bring me so much solace. I am not sad anymore, I just can’t wait for the paint to dry, and that’s all, this is how focused my thoughts are right now. I always say that time stops outside our classroom. I guess the right way to phrase it is that time and life stops when I touch the brush. I don’t have enough words to explain how important this discovery is. Yesterday I went to the gym to get some endorphins into my system, to get over the pain, but what I am doing tonight is so much more powerful and it actually heals. I was very sad and suddenly it’s all gone. I am in such an amazing place. I am an artist, I really am - it calms me, it heals me, it makes me whole again.

 

I am thankful, so very thankful for this gift from the heavens; it would have been a very different night without this healing brush in my hand. I am thankful for life with all its twists and bypasses, for all the detours, for all the pain, I would not want it any other way; it is the materials from which great art and strong people are made. I am thankful for my life, just as they are, good and bad, happy and sad, colorful and exciting and mine, so mine to create and change and take in any direction I like. I am thankful for this enchanting music that stirs every string in my body, in my heart; I never had music I wanted to paint, and it's just the right thing to do in such a night, a day after  the most painful breakup in my life.