I Need A Shoulder To Cry On

Day 480 – I had a very interesting discussion with a friend today about relationships at our age. What is it really we are looking for – someone we can tolerate most of the time; a person that the sum of his qualities is a little bigger than the sum of his short comings. Someone who can give us a shoulder when we want to cry and a hug when we are lonely; someone who can be a partner when we are happy as well. But we are shooting so high and looking for the starts instead of understanding that heaven is here on earth; we just cover it with so much drama that it is hidden from us. A day that started in so much fun the three of us went berries picking and later very late lunch in nature, ended in a very serious note and now all I want is a hug so I won’t be so lonely and I don’t have it. Because what I had was not good enough for me and what I cannot have is what I want; and because I made the  choice to leave everything behind and move back to my country; because two of my children are 10,000 miles away from me... 
It’s early evening and I am home all alone, surrounded by my loneliness; I so need a shoulder right now, or at least a hug! and a shoulder that was offered to me so kindly few minutes ago, I rejected. So, I guess I need to cry all alone after all and dream of the right shoulder. 

 

I am thankful for a wonderful day with my friends and for this very serious conversation that through me off; it’s an important topic even if uneasy. I am thankful for being sad and lonely tonight; it doesn’t happen often and when it does, it brings with it new understandings and clarity.