Day 488 – I am working in the same hospital were my son was born and I came to work very early today, interestingly enough it was the same time he was born 26 years ago and it was so strange. It is my son’s 26th birthday today and I am on the other side of the globe and cannot do more than call him and congratulate him and I really don’t like that. It is his second birthday in a row that I miss and it is just not OK. I don’t have much to say about it, it just makes me sad. I am in such a crunch time at work that I just could not take off and fly to be with him. I talked about it few days ago. I am a mom to grown up children and they are busy with their lives and I am busy with mine and I am afraid we are drifting apart. It’s very difficult but I think it is part of growing up. Even my youngest daughter who lives here in this country is talking about renting her own place when she’ll be out of the military. So yes, it is the natural course of events, and actually as a parent we want to see just that; but it doesn’t make it easier. It just underlines my situation as a single woman, all alone, and takes off the veil of illusion I would like to hide behind sometimes. So yes, it is my son’s birthday but he has his own life and my part in it is very little, and if I’ll come to visit more often it will be a little bigger, but not much. He is just starting to live his life with a serious girlfriend and about to graduate from college next month and now he has to start living a grownup’s life. It is only befitting he’ll celebrate it with his new family and not with me. Saying that, I am planning to fly back to see him and my oldest daughter and her family next month.
I am thankful for being able to talk to my son on his birthday even if it is from 10,000 miles away. I am thankful to technology that enables us to stay in touch even if we are so far away from each other. I am thankful I am still on this earth and so I will see him again soon, even if not on his birthday. I am thankful to see him growing up and finding his own course, so different than anyone could predict, so unique to him. It makes my heart almost overflow with joy and I am so very thankful for that.