Day 512 – I made the commitment to start working on my final project, but not today. I have a creative writing class tomorrow and could not delay it any longer. I wrote about my friend who committed suicide almost four years ago and her story helped me to summon the courage and the strength to change my life. I realized that if I don’t want to live my life like a wild bird kept in a golden cage it is up to me to open the doors of my prison and soar to the sky. It took me almost two years of preparations but I did it. It was not an easy piece to write and I am not sure yet how much I like it but the idea was good and it is something I wanted to say for a long time, a farewell letter to a dead friend. I hope I will never fully understand the depth of depression, the total despair at the bottom of it. Her death made me realize how lonely one can be surrounded with all things money can buy and feel so trapped that you can’t see a way out. I hope I’ll never understand that and I am so sad for my friend who was in such a bad place behind all the masks and the show-off. I said today one more time thank you to my friend; for her death forced me to make my move and win back my life. it does not, however, make it any easier to accept her choice.
I am thankful I found a way to thank my friend for her great influence on my life. I am thankful for the friends in my life and for their willingness to listen and not let me be. I am thankful I have friends I know will come to the rescue if I ever feel the need to lean on a supportive shoulder, if I need a hug.
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